Happy! Happy! Happy!

I thought I would start my post with posting a picture of myself. No, I am not vain but I have been working out for about 4 months now and it is really paying off. I am 30 pounds lighter! I am starting to see those cuts and curves. I have a hell of a lot more energy and I just feel freaking good! Even though the majority of people I meet are into thick boys. It is something I just want to do for me! I love my body and my size. I just want to be more toned.

Now I must release and bring closure to my last post in regards to "Internet love". The situation is over! Last night at 2:00 am I dropped him off at the airport. We rode to the airport in silence. He removed his bags from my truck. Shut my door and I drove off. No goodbye, wish you well, fuck off or anything. Let me just explain what I was dealing with. Now mind you he was suppose to be moving down here to better his life. Go back to school and all that good stuff. Well, he was here a whole week and the only thing he was interested in was smoking and drinking. The irritation began when I would come home from working 8 hours and he would have issues with what I wanted to watch on my own TV. Mind you I pay the electric bill for the TV to work. It's my TV and he was laying around all dam day in my house. So how and the hell can he dictate what the hell I wanted to watch on my TV. Then he had hygiene issues! So not only are you worthless but you stink! Not once did he try to find a school, learn his new area, or even attempt to find a job. The kicker was when his "best friend" called and his dumb ass put him on speaker. The guy asked " I don't know if you and him have anything going on but I didn't want to be disrespectful and call there and ask to speak to my baby or boo! He replies, Nothing is going on. He is just my boy!" Mind you he was moving down here for life, love, and the pursuit of happiness. There was a lot of other things that I had issues with but what brought everything to ahead was when he was on my phone telling his "best friend" that he sick of my boring life and arguing with me. He wish I would just do what he says and things would be so much better. I lost it! I told him to tell his best friend to send your ass a ticket to get home! He had disrespected me and my home for the last time. I got dressed, assisted him in packing his shit and the rest is history! I have never met anyone in my life that didn't have a sense of what it means to go to work or to pay a bill! He felt that my life was boring because I went to work the majority of the time.

At 35 years old I learned that my days of having to raise someone is over. I have finally faced that fact that I am in a different place in my life and my tolerance for immaturity is low. I think because of my past experiences, I have gotten use to dealing with people who are of lower standards and success. I have this nurturing need and it seems like I attract people who are needy to some degree. I think it is my own issues with dealing with someone on my level. I think when you deal with someone who is needy or isn't at the same level you are on. There is a sense of control that you feel you have. But in those type of relationships there is no equality. It's draining mentally and financially.I have no regrets about going through this situation. Because I learned from it. I learned who I am a little bit more. I am glad to have had this experience. I know I will never have it again. At least I can say that I gave it a try!

Internet Love!

My life is going so well these days. Everything had been going great and here I go creating drama. Why is it that when our lives are mediocore we have to introduce drama into it? Well, let me go and tell you what I did. Now I am not a spring chicken. I am a ripe 35 years old. I think I am pretty sexy and hip for my age. I hang with the best of them. Well, I have been here in Atlanta for about a year and a half. I have not been in one relationship since I been here. You would think in the "black gay capitol" of the world I would find one person to settle down with. I know there are relationship orintated people here but I guess I haven't positioned myself to meet them. Nevertheless, I met this guy over the internet. Mind you I am not into the internet thing. We kicked it and things were cool. He lives on the West Coast. So needless to say he arrived here on the 1st of the month. It is the 7th and I am so irritated by him. Did I tell you I am 14 years older than him? The maturity levels are totally different. I feel like I am dealing with a child. Hey, 21 is legal! He is looking for something I can't give him. I am not into raiseing someone else's child. Evidently his parents didn't raise him. Because the basic things like washing your ass everyday is a issue. What did I get myself into? Now if I was a sex fiend he would be perfect for the useing. Nice front and back. He is a little cutie. But I have had my sex crazy days. I am over meaningless sex. So no I haven't had sex with him. I did test the merchandise though, lol! I can't see myself having sex with him because he is looking for love and I don't think I could give him the love he wants. I need a man that could love on the same level that I can. That is mature and has at least lived this life more than 21 years. He doesn't know about paying bills and liveing. We don't relate on any level. So your asking me why I let him come to my house? Hell, I didn't realize this until after he got here. Before he got here I felt like I could deal with anything as long as the person wasn't a crackhead and was looking for a monogamous relationship. Boy did I lower my standards. I let the need of me wanting to be in something of substance control my judgement. Well, I have to see this situation through. Have any one of you ever had a internet love? Did it work?

Why is it when all other aspects of our life is going so well, we jeopardize those aspects for the one thing we are missing or want?

Excuse any mistakes, I am trying this mobile blogging on my sidekick. I think this will help me stay current on my blogging.