Happy! Happy! Happy!

I thought I would start my post with posting a picture of myself. No, I am not vain but I have been working out for about 4 months now and it is really paying off. I am 30 pounds lighter! I am starting to see those cuts and curves. I have a hell of a lot more energy and I just feel freaking good! Even though the majority of people I meet are into thick boys. It is something I just want to do for me! I love my body and my size. I just want to be more toned.

Now I must release and bring closure to my last post in regards to "Internet love". The situation is over! Last night at 2:00 am I dropped him off at the airport. We rode to the airport in silence. He removed his bags from my truck. Shut my door and I drove off. No goodbye, wish you well, fuck off or anything. Let me just explain what I was dealing with. Now mind you he was suppose to be moving down here to better his life. Go back to school and all that good stuff. Well, he was here a whole week and the only thing he was interested in was smoking and drinking. The irritation began when I would come home from working 8 hours and he would have issues with what I wanted to watch on my own TV. Mind you I pay the electric bill for the TV to work. It's my TV and he was laying around all dam day in my house. So how and the hell can he dictate what the hell I wanted to watch on my TV. Then he had hygiene issues! So not only are you worthless but you stink! Not once did he try to find a school, learn his new area, or even attempt to find a job. The kicker was when his "best friend" called and his dumb ass put him on speaker. The guy asked " I don't know if you and him have anything going on but I didn't want to be disrespectful and call there and ask to speak to my baby or boo! He replies, Nothing is going on. He is just my boy!" Mind you he was moving down here for life, love, and the pursuit of happiness. There was a lot of other things that I had issues with but what brought everything to ahead was when he was on my phone telling his "best friend" that he sick of my boring life and arguing with me. He wish I would just do what he says and things would be so much better. I lost it! I told him to tell his best friend to send your ass a ticket to get home! He had disrespected me and my home for the last time. I got dressed, assisted him in packing his shit and the rest is history! I have never met anyone in my life that didn't have a sense of what it means to go to work or to pay a bill! He felt that my life was boring because I went to work the majority of the time.

At 35 years old I learned that my days of having to raise someone is over. I have finally faced that fact that I am in a different place in my life and my tolerance for immaturity is low. I think because of my past experiences, I have gotten use to dealing with people who are of lower standards and success. I have this nurturing need and it seems like I attract people who are needy to some degree. I think it is my own issues with dealing with someone on my level. I think when you deal with someone who is needy or isn't at the same level you are on. There is a sense of control that you feel you have. But in those type of relationships there is no equality. It's draining mentally and financially.I have no regrets about going through this situation. Because I learned from it. I learned who I am a little bit more. I am glad to have had this experience. I know I will never have it again. At least I can say that I gave it a try!

Internet Love!

My life is going so well these days. Everything had been going great and here I go creating drama. Why is it that when our lives are mediocore we have to introduce drama into it? Well, let me go and tell you what I did. Now I am not a spring chicken. I am a ripe 35 years old. I think I am pretty sexy and hip for my age. I hang with the best of them. Well, I have been here in Atlanta for about a year and a half. I have not been in one relationship since I been here. You would think in the "black gay capitol" of the world I would find one person to settle down with. I know there are relationship orintated people here but I guess I haven't positioned myself to meet them. Nevertheless, I met this guy over the internet. Mind you I am not into the internet thing. We kicked it and things were cool. He lives on the West Coast. So needless to say he arrived here on the 1st of the month. It is the 7th and I am so irritated by him. Did I tell you I am 14 years older than him? The maturity levels are totally different. I feel like I am dealing with a child. Hey, 21 is legal! He is looking for something I can't give him. I am not into raiseing someone else's child. Evidently his parents didn't raise him. Because the basic things like washing your ass everyday is a issue. What did I get myself into? Now if I was a sex fiend he would be perfect for the useing. Nice front and back. He is a little cutie. But I have had my sex crazy days. I am over meaningless sex. So no I haven't had sex with him. I did test the merchandise though, lol! I can't see myself having sex with him because he is looking for love and I don't think I could give him the love he wants. I need a man that could love on the same level that I can. That is mature and has at least lived this life more than 21 years. He doesn't know about paying bills and liveing. We don't relate on any level. So your asking me why I let him come to my house? Hell, I didn't realize this until after he got here. Before he got here I felt like I could deal with anything as long as the person wasn't a crackhead and was looking for a monogamous relationship. Boy did I lower my standards. I let the need of me wanting to be in something of substance control my judgement. Well, I have to see this situation through. Have any one of you ever had a internet love? Did it work?

Why is it when all other aspects of our life is going so well, we jeopardize those aspects for the one thing we are missing or want?

Excuse any mistakes, I am trying this mobile blogging on my sidekick. I think this will help me stay current on my blogging.

Does Common Respect in Dating Still Exist?

Hello World,

Jeremy, where are you? I swear I was in love with him when he was on Making The Band. I just had to post this picture! Doesn't he have a pretty smile? A man that can sing and looks good (melting in chair).

OK, back to or regularly scheduled program!

Let me ask you a question? Does common respect and honesty in dating still exist? I ask this because since being here in Atlanta I have noticed a lot of shady dealings and it just seems like people have just lost common respect for each other. Let me give you an example of what I mean. I have coined the term "The Atlanta Drop Off". This is when you met someone and you all are vibeing. You exchange numbers and have a real good conversation. You may talk to them the next day or later and decide to hook up and go see a movie. You all hook up and hang out, go to a movie and dinner. You connect with the person. You go back to your place or their place and chill. You all may kiss or hug. Nothing to hot and steamy. The other person wants to have sex. But because your mother raised you with morals and values you are like no lets wait or use some other reason to get out of it because you know it's just to soon for all that. Especially if you can see yourself really wanting to get to know the person better. Well, you leave after having a good evening. Then here is where the drop off comes. "YOU NEVER HEAR FROM THEM AGAIN"! It's like because you didn't want to have sex on the first date they are off you! What kind of SH** is that? It has happen to me more than a couple of times here and I had to question myself "is it me"? But this guy who did me like that broke it down to me like this. He stated that most people here in Atlanta aren't interested in relationship or getting to know a person. It's all about the physical and sexual aspect of it. The mentality of let me do you and move on to the next. Because sex is so plentifully here because so many people think on that level. I understand that and can respect that because that is your right and choice.

But what happened to being respectful of the other person feelings and just express that? What happened to the common courtesy of returning a phone call to express that? What happen to treat people the way you want to be treated? My point is this, there use to be a time when you met someone and if you were interested or not you expressed it. To me that is just having common respect and letting someone know where they stand with you or could stand with you. Give me the option to say "well he doesn't want to pursue a relationship but he wants to have sex, do I want that?" Now don't get me wrong, I am no angel and have had my share of flings! But give me the chance to decide if that is what I want to do or not! Feel me!

I think people need to be upfront about there needs, wants, and expectations with people they meet. I feel that if it is just sex, express that. If you looking for a relationship, express that. If you just out here and what comes your way you will deal with it, express that. When you meet someone to expect anything more than conversation is pushing it. So why not respect the person for just being a human and express where you are in your life? Just be honest with yourself and others. Treat people the way you want to be treated.




These are just my thoughts and experiences so far here in Atlanta.

Re-Birth

Hello World, It's been so long since I have spoken to you! I guess I have just been caught up in life. Which in so many ways has been a good thing. Since my last post in February 2007, I have had gainful employment and just living life.

The move to Atlanta was really one of the best things I have ever done. I have a couple of good friends here and I am at such peace. Outside out that nothing else really matters.

So I guess I am back, reborn and ready to examine life! Stay tuned for my questions to the world!

Time Moves ON

I haven't been on here in so long! I completed my move to ATL and so far so good. I have been here since November. I must say things have not changed that much! It just seems like it is a mass amounts of feminine guys here now! What happen to the days where you couldn't tell a man liked cock up his but? Interesting!!

I have met a couple of people here and it to be honest they are a little strange. Everyone seems to be so sex driven. I didn't come here for that so I guess that is why I am not so receptive to it! Don't get me wrong I like sex just like the next person but I was always taught if it is that easy something is wrong with it! Which may not be true but it is a something to thing about!

Well I just wanted to catch up and I will post more thoughts as time goes on because I am sure this place will have me confessing and expressing as time goes on!

HELP! HELP! AND MORE HELP!

Ok folks!! I am new to this blogging thing and am finding it to be rather interesting. But I am trying to set up my page correctly! Yeah I want my shit to look nice! So I am going to post a couple of questions and I hope you all can help me!
1. Does it really matter if I have Beta or not? I signed up for this and now see that I could get Beta. So I went through the sign up thing but I can't transfer the posts and comments I already have.

2. How and the hell do you put the "links" column on the side of the Blog page? I want to post up some great blogs I have found. Also it would be easy reference for me to go there to read them.

Now those are the only two main questions I have! I am finding out about a lot of stuff. I am working on how to post pictures now! You see I posted that one. Ain't he hot! Damn! So bare with me.
On another note! Why is it when people know you are on you last week or two of working that they seem to fuck with you? Ok, I put in my two week notice! I am about to leave the state let alone this job, but you want to harass me! Don't they realize I really have nothing to loose if I pimp slapped one of these whores! It like they are trying to push me to actually get fired! To do some ole Postal mess! I just find it funny because I have always been a very outspoken type of guy. So I have really been terrorizing these people around here with my smart mouth and Malcom X attitude for 5 years! You think they would be thankful that I am leaving and just let me leave! But noooooooooo! They want to harass me! Like they are getting "get back" or something! I really don't understand the logic of people!

Do you?

Hello World!!! I have been maxing and relaxing lately! I am really trying to prepare myself for the big change that is about to happen in my life. I don't know if I spoke on this or not but I will be quitting my job on October 13 and moving to Atlanta, Georgia. Yes, boring ass Indianapolis, Indiana can kiss my nice round black ass! I have been here 8 years and to be honest it has been 8 years to long! Indy was great for me at that particular time in my life when I came here. It honestly slowed me down! Coming from the Chicago area to here was a culture shock indeed! I honestly see why they call Indy, Napp Town! Because this town is really sleeping! It is so behind in music, fashion, and culture! I can go to Chicago and hear some song on the radio and come back to Indy and like 3 months later they are playing it talking about "here is that new shit". This place is so "late".

Now don't get me wrong! I am so thankful for the opportunity to come here! I say that because I was a wild child! I was use to clubbing and clowning! What I thought about hitting a bitch in their mouth was nothing! It was how I was raised. Growing up it wasn't about running or talking things out! It was either hit or be hit! It wasn't any arguing! When you were walking down the halls in high school and you had beef with someone. It went down right then and there! So that is what I grew up with! So of course it carried over into my adult life! So I admit it! I was the one at the club or the party that always shut it down because I was fighting! I recognize that about me now! But when I was 15-24, I didn't! I moved to Indianapolis because I want to get away from Gary, IN. I was a restaurant Manager for 8 years. Yes, it was McDonald's! Yes, I did go from fries to the Store Manager! Enough said, now moving on! I knew it was a dead end job for me. Around that time it wasn't any health insurance or retirement plan! I worked for an independent owner operator who was a cheap bastard. So I was just going through the motions to get a paycheck! Well, I went to Atlanta on Labor Day weekend! I had never seen so many gay, bisexual, curious men in my life! I had the best time of my life! So of course I feel in love with ATL! I went back to Gary and in less than a month I quit my job and moved there. I got a job, where, McDonald's Corporation! They put me up in a hotel for 6 months! So You know I was doing to much! Do I really need to say how much partying I was doing? Well, to make a long story short. I crashed and burned fast. 5 1/2 months had passed! I had not even looked for a apartment. I had spent all my money mainly on fashions and back then it was called "Guys and Dolls"! "I'm in love with stripper!" Then to top it off the store I was working at got robbed! I had a piston pointed at my head and all that. Now the 8 years I was in broke down, rough, shot a bitch with a wrong twitch, Gary! I never got robbed! Then come to "Hotlanta" and get a gun pointed at me. Well, I cut the fuck out! Went back to Gary with my tail between my legs! I got a job as a Correctional Officer at a prison! Now those two years were the best years of my life! I know you are thinking about the old saying "happier than an sissy in a camp full of dicks"! All the eye candy, samples, and full course meals you can handle! Now that is another blog entry! Well, after two years I got caught up in drama and made a mad exodus to Indy! I stayed in the Criminal Justice area! I traded in my inmates for a computer and running warrants and BMV checks! This job helped to slow me down! Indy settled me down and honestly made me grow up and be responsible! All the partying and stuff wasn't available to me here. I became a very private and secluded person! I honesty learned who I am inside and out! I learned that my sexuality doesn't dictate who I am! Because I like men doesn't mean that I have to act like a lady! I don't have to continue to date women so my so called "secret" won't be revealed! I realized that I have to love me, live for me, and do what makes me happy mentally, sexually, and emotionally! So I am so thankful for the opportunity to live here and learn who I am.

Now it's back to Atlanta! To the city that fed on all my weaknesses! The city that showed me if you live fast you can crash faster! The city that made me realize that I wasn't mature enough at that time to deal with life in the big city! I think I want to return to Atlanta to prove to myself that I can make it in a city where every sin you can think of is at your disposal! I want to develop new friendships of substance! I want to broaden my horizons. I want to enjoy life in a city that is less judgmental and more liberal! So Atlanta was my choice!

Do you think the reason I want to move back to ATL is because I feel like I failed at living there?

Let me know what you think people! I think I am liking this blogging thing! It is kind of like therapy!